You’re sitting there in the half-light with a weight crushing your chest. You imagine spirits dancing around in edges in the flickering shadows. Your imagination taunts with things you can’t understand. There is a screen in front of you, maybe it’s blank or maybe there are words. Whatever you have written or will write won’t be enough. The words aren’t the right words because you can’t find the right words. You can’t find them on the page just like you can‘t find them in life.
And so maybe this is a waste of time. Is it better than last week? Last year? You’re not sure. Yesterday you thought so, but today? You believe you’re never going to get it right.
Did you just say never? Oh, how you hate absolutes. Never is a long time. Never is a word quitters use and you are not a quitter. You may have to dig deeper today to find that part of you that believes, but it’s in there.
You may have to walk in the darkness with no light to guide your way and no hope you will someday be able to write the words that mean something. The words that match your vision of what they should be. You may have no hope you can reach inside yourself and pull out the words that will reach inside someone else and pull out their laughter, their tears but you have to keep moving forward and putting one foot in front of the other. One and then the next. Again. Do it again.
And someday, maybe someday you’ll be able to touch someone. Maybe you’ll never meet that someone but their eyes will move along the sentences you arranged and they will feel. They will feel because you felt and for a magical moment, neither of you will be alone.
Maybe it won’t happen. This is the chasm you face. It’s the dark pit of despair threatening to suck you under until you relax and accept your fate. Don’t. You’ve come this far. You’ve walked until your feet are bloody. Now, just maybe it’s time to learn to fly.
Breathe deep. Take the pain, take everything, take all your heart and leave it on the page.
Believe that someone will find your heart there and feel its warmth.
And if they don’t, at least you didn’t leave your heart inside your chest where it could continue breaking.